Sometimes I think that trauma has left me with broken pieces that may cause me to operate my life differently from how other people do. But, just like that tool or machine that you have to kick or slap to get it to start, I can get going. Just like that lamp or other appliance that has a short or some loose wires that keep it from turning on, I can shine brightly. Well, not all the time, but when I need to, like when I am under pressure to. I write articles and anecdotes and quips and quotes. I beef up my journal entries and pen rhymes with reason and truth. I think of my life and things that I would want to say to people, and I cause a creative spillage of lyrics to songs with harmonies and melodies that catch.
Then, for no apparent reason, nothing! No motivation, no drive, no purpose. No attention to input and no desire to output. Low levels of confidence abound and there is no positive or growth mindset present. I have no ear for my “team” of friends, family, role models and motivators, and I am not open to advisement or consultation. I binge watch TV shows and movies and I over indulge in every kettle cooked, barbecued version of my beloved potato chips. I ignore any duties, other than work, that might make me get out of my easy chair. This can go on for days or weeks.
All of a sudden, I’ll hear a word, a message or a simple social media post. Maybe someone was thinking of me, or maybe they had themselves and someone else in mind. But I hear it! It explodes in my brain’s right hemisphere. Nerve endings and synapses connect and sparks fly. Now I can’t stop writing, thinking, singing and creating again. Maybe it was a period of hibernation. Perhaps a regenerative dormancy or something else, like a psychological break from reality. I go in hard because I don’t know how long this flow will last before the next ebb tide comes in. I can be fickle, moody and unpredictable. But, for now, I’m back!